xoxo

It’s blessing me, and I thought it might bless you too! The words speak for themselves x

I don’t have a lot to say today, other than, “It will be you one day!” This morning I was talking to a friend who got engaged last week… listening to the story of how her fiance proposed, finding out whether or not it was a surprise (it was!), checking out her ring, asking about the wedding date, etc. I came away totally starry eyed…it was lovely And so my one, simple thought of the day is – “It will be you one day!” (and me!) xoxoxoxoxo

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Here’s the link… RELEVANT Magazine – The Realistic Guide to Love

Well single girls, it’s only 3 days until Valentine’s Day! How do you feel? I watched Valentine’s Day the movie last weekend, and ever since then I’ve felt like belting a pinata!!! Wouldn’t that be fun?!  (If you haven’t seen the movie, you’ll have to watch it to know what I’m talking about!!) Last year I organised a group of single girls to go and see the movie as a new release, on Valentine’s Day, and we had a great, fun afternoon out! And, of course, we consumed copious amounts of chocolate!!! It was brill!

This Valentine’s Day will be special for me, as there’s nothing like helping other people to take the focus off of yourself!  The church I’m studying at in Bradford, UK has been reaching out to working girls in the Red Light district of Bradford for the last 10 years. This year, since Valentine’s Day falls on a day when we would normally send a team out to connect with these girls, we’ve decided to do something special for the women. Each woman we encounter on Monday night will be given a rose and card saying that they are special and loved. How awesome is that!  I have had the privilege of making the cards and will be buying and wrapping the roses on Monday. I promise to post a pic of the special gifts! I am praying that these girls who often feel very unloved and used, would know that there is a love that is a true and real love available for them.

I also have the privilege of doing college with many awesome single girls – some in their early and mid 20’s, others in their 30’s. As I blogged about last week, I recently read the book “Bus Stops & Bicycles – A Handbook for Single Ladies”, written by a Melbourne author. I loved it so much that I have offered to buy all of the single girls in my class the book as a gift for Valentine’s day!  I have bought 15 books to be shipped over from Australia for these awesome women!

There’s many in this world who receive love on Valentine’s day, and many who don’t. No matter what your opinion is about ‘Valentine’s Day’, whether you think it’s just another commercialised day, or perhaps it is a day you hope to celebrate in your own intimate love relationship one day, I encourage you to find someone who could do with a bit of love over this next week…and do something to show them that they are loved!!!

We can all do this Remember – love makes the world go around! xxx

Happy Valentine’s Day girls! And remember that YOU are loved xxx

p.s As I mentioned on twitter this week, if there’s any guy/s out there who are thinking of buying me flowers for Valentine’s Day, you might also want to buy me a vase, as I broke our only vase this week!! “Clumsy!” I hear you say?! Yes, you’re absolutely right – I am

Image source: http://www.freefoto.com/preview/9905-01-14?ffid=9905-01-14&k=A+Red+Rose

No matter how hard I try, I realise I can’t ‘make’ anything happen when it comes to finding my life partner. Just like if I were waiting at a bus stop, I can’t ‘make’ the bus, or in this case, the boy, come any quicker!  Some people say, you’ve gotta get out there and meet people, make yourself available! You’ve got to be approachable, etc, etc. I understand that you’ve got to be open and willing to meet new people, and generally pleasant! Noone wants to approach a girl who’s sulking in a corner, or someone with so many walls up that you need Mt Everest type equipment including a harness and mountaineer climbing shoes just to get over all the walls! But no matter where I go or what I do, I get the sense that I can’t ‘make’ anything happen, or ‘make’ the bus come any quicker!

Although being single can at times make you feel like you’re waiting, (hence the bus stop analogy, as described in Taryn’s book, Bus Stops & Bicycles – A Handbook for Single Ladies), and maybe you’d even go so far as to say that you feel like your life is on hold while you wait, we’ve got to come to the realisation that we can’t make the bus come any quicker, so we may as well enjoy what we call the ‘wait’, which is really just the journey (and by the way, is as valuable as the destination)!  Ecclesiastes says there is a time and a season for everything.

You might remember me telling you about my “Mr Layby”. This analogy came to mind years ago when I was praying about this 2nd most important decision in my life – who/if/when I will marry. With a layby, there’s a particular item reserved or set aside for you, and over time you pay varying amounts off the cost of the layby until you have paid the full cost price, and then you can take the layby item home. In a similar way, I felt God has set aside, or apart someone for me. Now, we don’t ‘pay’ God in any way for any of the gifts He gives us. But from this analogy I got the sense that as I keep on going, keep being faithful, keep being consistent, as I keep on doing what I know to do (and trusting God for the rest!), as I keep becoming the person God has created me to be and as I keep traveling to the places/schools/work places that God sends me, that I keep getting closer and closer to my destination, or in otherwords, taking my Mr Layby home!

So instead of ‘willing’ your future husband, boyfriend, or even ‘remotely potential guy’, to walk through the door right now, realise you can’t make the bus come any quicker, and  invest those energies into the journey you are on today. After all, you can’t make the bus come any quicker! But don’t fear – God knows what He is doing! Check this out – from Isaiah 55:9 (Amplified)…

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

The author is from Melbourne, Australia, and we went to the same high school. A friend of mine who is also friends with the author, Taryn, sent me a copy of the book.

I would encourage all of those reading this blog to get a copy. It is the sort of book you’ll pick up and read in one sitting, in just a couple of hours.

Bus Stops and Bicycles – A  handbook for single ladies

The book encourages you to think for yourself about how you view your life as a single person, and how you view marriage. It also helped me to reflect on the journey I’ve been on for the last 10 years, realising that I have grown in many ways – in my understanding of God, of myself, and of God’s higher plans and purposes for all of our lives… and yet I still have areas I can grow further in.

Taryn is very open and real, and as you read the book you feel as though you’re sitting across from her as she shares her thoughts, experiences and life with you. It will leave you feeling secure, loved, and OK as a single lady! I encourage you, grab a copy and then pass it on to a friend, girlsfriends! xx

Bus Stops and Bicycles – A  handbook for single ladies

Today I was talking to one of my housemates over lunch. Often we’ll come home after college (which finishes at 1pm) and I will make something simple for lunch like a sandwich or toast, and my Austrian housemate Sara will make something delicious and elaborate like salmon with fresh vegetables, or pasta (with homemade sauce), etc. She is a great cook! And in Austria they are used to eating their main meal at lunch time. So often I’m sitting there eating my toast, like I was today, chatting to Sara while she cooks her lunch. Today we somehow got onto the topic of marriage, and she made a statement which I thought was quite profound (especially for her age, as she is only 19). She said, “The best gift you can give your husband is you.”

I agree with Sara. I know of marriages that have started quickly and have ended just as quickly. Sadly. At times, when you feel lonely or impatient, it can be tempting to want to marry the next single guy you lay hands on! But then you remind yourself that that is only a short term solution, and will not necessarily provide what it is that you are looking for or needing long term. “Sober up, Jade”, I tell myself! Instead, in the period that I have to develop myself before marriage, I can do just that – develop myself. That is what Sara was talking about. She was saying that we can use this time in which we are single to discover more about ourselves, how we’ve been made, how we contribute in relationships, what our strengths are, and what to be aware of as our weaknesses. This will be so helpful when it does come to entering a dating relationship, and potentially a marriage.

This week at College we have been looking at self leadership, and have done a “Strength Deployment Inventory” as part of the course. This helped us identify what motivates us and how we deal with conflict. While it’s not meant to ‘pigeon hole’ us, I found it extremely useful in understanding more about how I am wired and how I respond to life, and what I find fulfilling. In short, I discovered that what motivates me in a work context, for example, is concern for flexibility and the welfare of the group I am working with. This is how I was an affective Administrator in the past – I want to do things right, and in an orderly process, and yet I also care about the people around me.  My approach to conflict, I discovered, is that I tend to accommodate the needs of others. I want to keep the harmony!! I have learnt, though, that as much as I want to avoid conflict, conflict really does need resolving, and so I was taught some skills in how to do that.

The more we understand about ourselves – our purpose, principles, values, wiring, strengths, likes and dislikes, the better we will be prepared for entering into a relationship. Being confident is attractive!  Now I’m not saying we have to have it altogether. Because, believe me, we don’t, won’t and never will! But there’s things that we can know and understand about ourselves that gives us confidence and helps us to be more comfortable around others, who are often very different from us. They say opposites attract. Two people who complement each other can work beautifully together in a marriage. In that relationship, however, there is going to have to be a lot of understanding of each other (because you are so different). And that understanding starts with understanding yourself. So keep preparing for marriage. And be the best gift you can give your husband – YOU!

The lyrics are as follows -

“For me to live is Christ,

And to die is gain.

No matter what price I pay,

I choose to give this life away.”

You see, many years ago I committed my life to Christ, as my Lord and Savior. In the bible, God asks us to take up our ‘cross’ and follow Him. This means we must deny our own will and submit our will to God’s will. The ‘price’ is submission. But the ‘prize’ is relationship with a living God, life in all its abundance. The ‘prize’ is eternal life.

The price is hard to pay. It means not always doing as I please. It means turning away from sin. It means being disciplined to read my bible regularly, etc. If I focus on the price, it becomes really hard. If I focus all my energies on doing the right thing and being disciplined, it becomes legalistic and difficult.  And if I go to the extent of concentrating on the ‘price’ and loose sight of the ‘prize’, it becomes even harder, because I forget why I’m trying to do the right thing. Instead, I should have my eyes fixed on the prize. I should be focused on my relationship with God, on living life to the full, on thanking God for eternal life.

Take another example. Let’s imagine someone who dreams to be a doctor. The ‘price’ might be that they have to do 5 years (minimum) of full-time, full on study. The price might be that they can’t have as many late nights as their friends and spend as much time socialising. The price might be that it costs them a lot of money to attend uni for that length of time, etc. The prize is that they become a doctor, help people in need and potentially save lives.

If this person focuses all their thoughts on the cost, it’s unlikely they will ever make it through to becoming a doctor, as they’ll spend all their time whinging, complaining, comparing, and trying to avoid the price. However, if they focus on the ‘prize’, if they concentrate on their desire to be a doctor and imagine themselves helping people, if they spend some time connecting with other doctors, if they appreciate that the study is just for a season, then they are more likely to obtain the prize, as they have taken their eyes off the ‘price’ and are focusing on the ‘prize’.

Are you focusing on the price or the prize? Sometimes it can be easy for our eyes to be on the price, because that’s the part that costs or hurts the most! If the ‘prize’ is getting married one day, the ‘price’ is waiting patiently until I meet the person I will marry; the price is not sleeping around now; the price is refusing to carry bitterness when others around me are getting married, the price is being positive about and enjoying this season of being single that I am in. If I focus on the price and the difficulties or downsides associated with the cost, and the way it makes me feel at times, it’s going to be a miserable journey. But if I focus on the ‘prize’ by trusting that one day God will see my deepest hearts desire met and that one day I will be married, if I focus on the prize by preparing myself for marriage and praying for my future marriage, and if I choose to enjoy the single journey I am on, life will be so much more pleasant!

For me today, that looks like enjoying the travelling I am getting to do, enjoying the freedom of living on my own, and last but not last, not having to explain my shopping purchases to anyone!! (When we went to New York over Christmas it was only my sister who had to pass on her credit card receipts to her husband when we got home from a big shopping spree!!)

You see, we can focus on the price or the prize. Focusing on the prize will make the journey to that prize much more enjoyable.

I encourage you all, no matter what your dream…Focus on the prize and not the price!

Photo by jscreationzs http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=1152